...and the football season comes with me.
So I may not have as much time as I used to...but I guarantee that I am still as annoying as ever. My plan for this season is to spread the hatred for my e-mails, expand the target market of reluctant readers, and acheive such a level of bitterness for my written communications that you collectively wait outside my apartment for a disfiguring ass kicking ambush.
To start this process out right, I have to welcome some new victims. These poor bastards have been added, not by request, but simply because, at a whim, I felt the desire to torture them this year. ...Such power I wield.
Please welcome Murph Dawg - who was intended to be victimized since the beginning, but no one seemed to be able to provide me an e-mail address nor could I seem to remember to ask for myself while in his presence. Murph...unfortunately, it is not possible to request to be removed from my mailing list. It is a chore you must endure...your punishment for knowing me...
Murphy brings to the table an extensive knowledge of sports, gaming, entertainment, and humor. I have no doubt that he will add to our "discussions," and perhaps someday even surpass Bouch in his pure unadulturated hatred for me and these e-mails. I have high hopes for this newbie.
Also welcome Mac - whom has been aware of these e-mails I believe, but never made to suffer them in his own inbox...simply whisperings of their shamelessness throughout the workplace. Pat is another good pickup. I know he knows sports...and I cant imagine he totally hates me yet. How thats possible...I dont know...but I simply can't have that. I want to suck the joy out of sports for you Pat...until you have nothing left...except disdain for me and my e-mails.
As you can see, I DO have a plan for making these e-mails better for everyone. I realize that in the past these e-mails have been unilaterally focused on football, and specifically, Da Bears.
In order to make these e-mails more collectively engaging and interesting for all parties...here are two new Baseball recruits...so no more complaining that its all football.
That's not to say that both of these guys arent great for football discussions as well - I am quite certain that they are sport ambidexdrous and can speak quite intelligently about anything mainstream sports...unlike myself. I am actually a minority in this little discussion group I have cultivated, in that I am the only one that knows absolute shit about Baseball.
...which brings me to my next addition. I decreed that this year this would be a forum for ALL things....subsequently, there has to be someone to represent the ridiculously scientific and intelligent birdwatchers of the world, with Peruvian babe vagina crushing experience.
Kuch - there is no better outlet for your theoritical thoughts on the biological nature of symbiotic evolution in the early teachings of Darwin....and perhaps some of the most disturbing sexual tales of prowess that I have ever heard. Welcome to you sir.
I realize that if you were to observe Kuch shooting a basketball, you might wonder about the value and validity of commentary he may be able to offer...but I tell you now...as long as Kuch is speaking or writing (rather than jumping, eye-hand coordination activities, or attempting ballet), he is very accurate and should offer a unique perspective.
On a more serious note, as you all know Kuch is leaving for NC to have "consentual" sex with minors and increase his experience level in the ass finger-banging department. Hopefully, via his addition to this forum, we can all stay in better contact...and get a vicarious look into the creepy world of a sexual deviant let loose upon the education systems of North Carolina.
Plus, Kuch and I went to the Bears preseason game last Thursday, and hes no slouch there. He definitely schooled me a couple of times. Although we DID spend a majority of the time undressing unsuspecting female Bears fans with our eyes...the fun bags a' bouncing as they searched for their seats...up and down the stairs....wind blowing their clothes against them revealing their voluptuous shapes...damn I'm a pervert. I suppose it's fitting that Kuch was with me...
I'm sorry, something about chicks dressed up in Bear apparel...i'm dangerous when there's one in the proximity, let alone several thousand.
So, that does it...This is the introduction. Consider this e-mail the inaugural session.
DLP
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