Nestor Rhymes - A Tale of Drunkenness

So I have this friend. Lets just call him 'Nestor'. Well, when he gets really drunk, he tends to have conversations with himself in rhyme. He refers to himself as the mix-masterbater when he enters these phases.

And its not even good rhyming....often he rhymes with the same word...or makes up words....or whatever he has to do...changes topics suddenly...says things that barely make sense....but he keeps on spittin rap like hes on a role. He's most definitely not.

These drunken displays are obviously quite entertaining...so I've decided to record what one sounds like...cause its wild...and not everyone has the luxury of being friends with a charismatic dude of this caliber....

I'll get you the next best thing...


The storyline: Nestor is drunk. A group of friends sits in a circle, also drinking, but obviously not as quickly as Nestor. He begins throwing rhymes out amidst normal conversation....so we know whats coming. We even actually start laughing and joking about his piss poor rhyming skills. Which of course sets him off.... Nestor is 'go' for launch...

NESTOR:

my name is nestor
thats right its nestor
I'm not a molester
cause my name is nester

I'm really drunk
really fucking drunk
but I ain't no punk
I like that skunk

big fat vagina
dont call it a flagina
because its really a vagina
and I'm gonna make it mine-a

I like to use the same rhyme
because it is the best rhyme
and it really isnt a crime
if I rhyme with the same word...turd...(several unintelligible words)

lurd, nerd, absurd, qwerd, shird, bird

See, I can rhyme
now give me a dime - bag
and then we can play tag

but your it
like an arm pit

without deoderant
your making me peeod ...erant

you need some speed stick
or perhaps a nose pick

and I hope it bleeds
like when you use anal beads

I hope you can appreciate
the rhymes of mix masterbate
although these actually might be better
than any i've previously said-er

Like the rhymes I was spitten Saturday
Those were really bad - urday
But these are the best
To that I can attest

I hope you dont mind
When I rap my conciousness stream
it can be kind of scary
to have access into my mind
that didnt rhyme
but now I am
wait no im not
but wait, im getting hot
ive been shot
by a lot
of sweet rhymes
and good times
coronas with limes


(he pauses momentarily to drink more...gulp gulp gulp)

Oh that was good
I knew it would ...
be and now you see
with joy and glee
the blatant decree
of mix mastabata - thats me
whoop diddy dee
I'm gonna make poopy

and pick up girls
and play with their curls

Their curly pubic hairs
the ladies they dont cares

you slut
you smelly hairy butt
go play putt putt
you slutty slut
slutty slutt slutt..sl..sltnsdagngnfa...ajkgn adfgn...asdjndof..

the vaginas in theanhufgodfa... fdghao..

and the beers are..gfijioa,

and they are cold.....gbnaiufg...fold, old, told...shit...uh

but you cant deny
that my rhymes dont lie
we need to diversify
and apply
and try
not to cry
when superman can fly
and when mastabate is shy

And I'll keep on goin
cause my rhymes are flowin
and I'm incapable of knowin
that my brain is goin
cause I'm a little shitfaced
or my pots been fuckin laced
and Ed is going to punch a hole in my head
and then offer me some pumpernickle bread
because thats something that ed would do
when hes getting angry at you

but i dont like pumpernickle
and I cant eat bread
with a hole in my head
so ed

dont do it
dont punch me in the face
because its my face
and I like my face
without a hole.. in it
skin it
bring it

out to the picnic
the bread i mean
it will be a good scene
nutritious and lean
we gotta keep it clean
when we visit the latrene

GROUP: Nestor! Shut the hell up

Nestor:

I wont shut up
Cause I cant shut up
I like the word up
What the hell else rhymes with up

Oh well, that stanzas over
But what rhymes with over
Maybe I'll just use "over"
one more time......over

sweet
delete
your files
and walk for miles
until you die
from tripping on apple pie
which tastes good
in the neighborhood
like at applebees
my main squeeze
get on your knees
you must appease
the desires of me's
and everyone named Reese
or I'll bust out my peice

and shoot you down like a real balla
after I listen to some Dishwalla
because I am a shot calla
and I need a dolla
for a mcchicken
my tounge is stickin'
to the top of my mouth
cause I have cotton mouth
and the munchies
for some grundies
no ed, no punchies
to the head
need my head
to think of more rhymes
It's working so well...

GROUP: No, Nestor...seriously stop...its not working...at all

NESTOR:

but my rhymes are delicious
cant stop the delicious
dont be so malicious
my rhymes are rhymalicious

GROUP: Nestor! Not rhmyalicious. Stop your damn rhyming! Quick people, lets change the subject. Guys, so did you hear about the new movie coming out? (before anyone can answer)

NESTOR:

I heard about the movie
Someone gave me a roofie
shit i feel groovynoovie scoovy (insane "Nestor" laughter...)


And so the night continued...until he was completely ignored by all and eventually passed out.

What a crazy kid...

DLP