2008 Offseason - A Jay Bear? Cutler is signed...

"According to Wikipedia, Jay Cutler was also born in Santa Claus, Indiana."


yeah...apparently this fact is also the media's hot topic....they will not shut up about it....(and Dave, this has nothing to do with you...I've just heard this fact non stop since Thursday, like its the only important thing about the Cutler trade...otherwise it IS interesting info... and appreciated in this forum)

news radio this morning: "it used to be called santa claus land....now its holiday land....isnt that interesting?"

no its not...tell me about how cutler's arm will rape the NFC....

or about the fact that the bears franchise will never be the same...

Santa Claus IN...interesting...but as a football fan...who cares.....

the bears finally have a qb....THIS is newsworthy all on its own...

and as for the articles i have seen that minimize this pickup, saying that Chicago doesnt realize what we are in for, since cutler is a baby and will hardly be able to handle the fickle bear fan way...

I'm sorry, but it is foolish to write such things....

You dont play in Elway's shadow for however many years with yet unacheived sky high expectations, and NOT have balls. He had (still does) Denver fans like putty in his hands....they loved him....EVEN THO there were unfulfilled expectations.

The nonsense about him being dramatic and overly sensitive comes from people that need to have a counterpoint. Sorry...theres no counterpoint...this was a GREAT trade...straight up. The dudes got brass....and the only thing I see preventing him from becoming successful in our scheme, is injury....not high maintenance like some would have you believe...

He's got high expectations here in Chicago, true....like he DIDNT in Denver? Give me a break...

He didnt have the surrounding cast in Denver...anyone that says that it was CUTLER to blame for the Bronco playoffless past couple of years is an idiot.

I think in chicago, he will have a much better surrounding cast (one would think...but this IS the Bears afterall)....and like Jon said....we will very likely (and HOPEFULLY) coast into the playoffs this year...

I am extremely excited about this...and I dont care who knows it...I'll hype him until I see him play shitty. Ive watched him play since he started over Plummer....hes money....and hes EXACTLY what we need. My dreams couldnt have been reflected into reality more perfectly....

Thanks to the Bears organization for finally growing a pair, and making moves....the RIGHT moves....im encouraged. I did like Orton though...and will root for him in Denver. He will likely be better off without the Chicago curse.

Naysayers beware...I will hunt you down and kill you with a fine tooth comb in your penis hole.

I'm drinking the Cutler kool-aid...so "sports analysts," who so willingly pretend like they know what they are talking about...like they know someone personally...and believe them to be too sensitive...shut the fuck up....your idiots...and you obviously havent been watching him play for the past couple of years....

call him anything else....impulsive....tempermental....aggressive...a risktaker...unafraid of consequences...

but, overly sensitive....im not buying....

all the other possible descriptions, are exactly what we need in chicago...

I'll kill you...

DLP

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Bouch says, "bring back rex!"


yes...that too...

with the new size of our O-line...if I had concerns that he couldnt see where the hell he was throwing before...(and i did)....i think now we'd find him having even MORE difficulty...

but would i mind having rex as a backup to cutler? nah...not really.

a.) hopefully he wouldnt be needed, cause if he is...we are all but fucked kindly...

b.) he was always used innappropriately. Hes very accurate...and probably a good qb...IF you use him like you should....given some of his shortcomings.... he cant be used the same way a Cutler (and most normal sized qbs) would be best used....that was always the problem... coaches were trying to make him into a different type of qb that didnt fit his skill set/physical characteristics... instead of using the skills that he DOES have in a way that they most effectively benefit the team...


So sure....bring Rex back........

...just change your in-game strategy if hes forced to go in.... hes NOT cutler....and hes not orton either. he MAY be the shortest QB in the NFL right now tho...does that escape coaches? somehow...it seemed to. (by the way...IS rex the shortest QB currently? is Flutie still on a bench somewhere? )

i digress, anywho.......hes sexy rexy...you have to account for that in your strategy...




fine tooth comb bouch.....fine tooth comb....

...think about that before you "poop" up my inbox...

(he sent me an e-mail that simply said "poop" ......nothing else....unaggravated...)

watch your peehole biotch...

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Wow, am i crazy pissed and formidable right now....maybe its just cause its a monday or whatever...but im about to shit on someones windsheild.

Before I became enraged...I was peacefully corresponding with a friend of mine and was going to supply my friendly Bear fans with an outside perspective...peacefully...so here is my attempt to not rustle any feathers...I cant promise how long it will be before I start taking my frustration out on the poor people receiving my e-mails today...i must make clear, that i may make some rude comments out of anger...but my anger is not with any of you...you are all helpless victims...i will try to control myself...


This is an e-mail from one of my work contacts that lives in Denver....

for a bit of background...I obviously gave him some grief about stealing his star qb on Thursday...specifically I was questioning if he (Cutler)was in fact a baby, despite my feelings otherwise...

heres my buddy's response:

"Well, here’s what I think about the self imposed highway robbery that was “The Cutler Trade.”



1) Offensive stars tend to shut the f up when they are in a town where everyone comes to the games to watch their defense. Chi-town kind of reminds me of Baton Rouge with LSU…Linebackers are the star players, not pansy ass snap-counters.

2.) Winning gives everyone a good attitude. Cutler was something like 17-20 as a starter…and he was friggin 13-1 when defense allowed 21 points or fewer. He’s gonna be a happy little diabetic knowing that his touchdowns aren’t a waste of time.

3) Cutler has honking balls man. Most QB’s come to Denver and shy away from the Elway comparisons. He was a nice guy about it for a while, and then finally said, “Fuck it, I have a better arm than Elway. I railed on his wife.”

4) He was 13-1 in games where the defense showed up…and he did that without a running back. You guys have the RB, a good tight end, a defense, and a special teams player that’s going to the hall of fame. It should be a very good year my man.

5) Now the Saints have to play against Cutler. This one pisses me off, because that secondary can’t handle a gun like Cutler picking them apart (as was proven last year when the score was something like 305-307 here in Denver).

6) Denver will have a 5-11 season, fans will revolt, and the football gods will smite them for three years to come for running every decent element of last years team out of town.



Enjoy your stupid Lombardy trophy. Fuck face."


The Saints comment (#5) is because hes originally out of New Orleans, so his fanhood goes Saints THEN Denver....also a HUGE LSU fan...

I know...so much to make fun of....it hurts me sometimes...

Although we BOTH like the Saints, and I think he is being humble when he suggests that the Saints may struggle this year. We have both agreed that we think this is their year. And I have told him not to worry about his Broncos either. I think Orton does well there. I know I will be rooting for him...I've always kind of liked Denver.

now i dont claim to be a football expert, by any means...but i DO CARE about football...i try to learn about it when i can, and understand things at a more complex level than "Oh, what fun it is to watch all these monkeys run around chasing a ball"

and i know that there are other people out there like me...we arent coaches...we arent talent scouts....we are just REAL football fans...and we happen not to be dumb as well....always good. its arguable whether or not im dumb...but you get the point.

So...as you can see...an unbiased football-EDUCATED person (as opposed to a "sports analyst" looking for material to fill a page), KNOWS that Chicago made a great trade...and that it is unlikely that Cutlers supposed sensitivity will be an issue.

Now I personally wasnt worried about this anyway...but it just really REALLY gets under my skin when Chicago based sports critics actually publish shit like the shit ive seen.

Wheres the accountability? wheres the integrity? This is why Bears fans (in general)....the ones that call for Hanie and boo Orton out of the half, when Orton has a few incompletes....THIS is why those Bear fans exist.....our writers are feeding them their stupidity....they are breeding Chicago sports retardism...

cause heres what happens...

fans think that they know what they are talking about, BECAUSE they take the time to read this blasphemy....then they go around town thinking that because they read this collection of articles from the "experts", they too are now an expert (yes, im guilty of this)....and can go around making idiotic statements...spreading the stupidity....then HIS friend thinks because his buddy reads all the articles...he MUST know what hes talking about....so then he repeats what HE says like hes some sort of football genius...and so on and so forth...

let me tell you something...NO ONE is impressed that you can boo when everyone else does...

And anyone with a brain can read some of the shit that chicago writers come out with and realize that it is filler...drama...sports soap opera...crap...meaningless ungrounded opinions of some shmuck that has no business writing about knitting....let alone sports....or more specifically football.

(cause some sports can be commented on by retards - ie. baseball)...haha - eat that shit baseball fans -- half of you really only like it for fantasy anyway...suck my balls...baseball is NOT that awesome...deal with it...

that will get some responses...

moving on...my point is...

Chicago (Bear) fans are not fickle....chicago just has a bunch of people that arent really fans period...and they are outspoken...cause theyre all "smart" as hell...("smart" like sox fans...a bunch of dumb assholes pretending to care about a sport when really its just a cover for their alcoholism)

-- im kidding - not all sox fans are like that....but anyone who knows a couple of true south side guys knows what im talking about....theyre dumb...c'mon... really dumb... i dont know shit about baseball, and even I can understand that.

baseball is SOMETIMES exciting...and thats being kind. the sport HARDLY requires athleticism (although I HAVE seen some crazy catches -- i said "hardly")

The one thing I will give it is that it is a strategic game and its fun to GO to games. I personally, couldnt tell myself i like baseball based on those reasons alone. sorry if i hold others to those same standards. Yet, to my original point, you cant deny that the dumbest of the dumb are attracted to the sport...likely because they couldnt possibly understand anything less simple...

You like baseball because: 1.) your dumb... 2.) you play fantasy... 3.) you were raised traditionally - playing baseball as you grew up...or 4.) you like watching old fags stand around waiting for balls to drop in their vicinity (i call them predators)... WAYYYYYYYYYYOOOOO....hahaha....im a dick. but its true.

baseball fans everywhere!! ask yourself honestly....Why do you REALLY like baseball? I think you will find that I'm right. Or that I am an idiot when it comes to baseball, and thus my opinion on the matter is without merit.... you will come to one of those two conclusions...

hopefully, if you find i am in fact right, you fall into the one of the two baseball fan acceptable categories (you play fantasy, or were raised to like it). If you find that i am without merit...whether you admit it or not, you probably fall into one of my other two categories (your incredibly dumb, or your a flaming homo)...either way...im right...so fuck you.

mayhap more responses?...

again, moving forward...im in a bad mood...pay no attention to my baseball bashing.

When I hear things like "Oh yay! I'm such a bear fan! We got a new QB! Who's Cutler??"

god damnit....that pisses me off...

what the hell are you so happy about? admit that you dont watch football asshole...and then cry.

dont be a happy fan when everyone else is happy...and more importantly, dont be an angry fan when everyone else is angry. It makes me sick...

I'm sorry....im on a tirade here...but there have been a compilation of things that i've read and experienced today...that have just gotten my goat....

now you get to read my rant...as usual...

fuck all of you... fuck you, fuck you, youre cool, fuck you....youre cool.

seriously tho...




fuck you.

go ahead...i dare you.........send a dissenting e-mail...send me a "hi DLP"....tell me how awesome baseball is....poop my inbox...

I will fuck your child at a carnival....


DLP

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i dont dislike baseball....

i just beleive it blasphemous to call myself a baseball fan...even though I DO find enjoyment in certain aspects of the game

true baseball fans should laugh were i to say Im a sox fan, or a cub fan...

its a fine sport...and to each his own...if you like it....good...but your dumb...

im kidding...

seriously...good, everyone likes different things...its not a bad sport...

i guess my point was that others should follow my example except with football....stop pretending like you know something...it doesnt make you a fan...it makes you an asshole. its ok if you like going to football games....you dont have to know everything....but PLEASE FOR GOD SAKES, dont pretend like you do...

I swear...with some football fans I could say "Cutler just died in a terrible car crash and lost his arms" in a happy excited voice, and they would be like "OH YAYA biotch! We Win!! who made the most baskets?"

why.... just why? tell me...


and sports writers.....fuck....i already started...and will spare you more...

-----------------

noice Kuch


yeah...im not saying that there shouldnt be semi-fans....people that like a team for whatever the reason...kind of enjoying a game here and there...and/or being glad to hear that a certain team won...and so on and so forth...

I think I fall into that category for almost everything except bears...

on my tirade...i was all over the place and i think i could have been misinterpreted...let me explain...with a little story...that i can now tell...because my anger has subsided...and i wont automatically start anger-pissing on things everytime i think about it.

what i have a problem with actually has nothing to do with being a fan or not...i think its more a certain type of personality that bothers me....and specifically...the way that personality interacts with the world of sports...

...at least in this circumstance...my hatred was made quite clear...i dont like when people are confidently dumb...

basically I was at a restaurant/bar on the south side...sitting there minding my own B...reading a sports magazine of some sort with a Jay Cutler pic apparently noticable on one of the pages...

a dude walks by and comments on the cutler situation...kind of a negative comment...something about how he is high maintenance...

so i look up from the paper and ask the man, "are you a bears fan?"

he says "yeah...definitely" pointing to his bears shirt...

i say, "really? what makes you say that about cutler? because of the way he demanded a trade?..."

he says "oh, i read about it...read an article."

i say "so, you think the cutler trade was a bad one because an article told you he was high maintenance...? "

he says, "well i just dont think he will be able to handle our fans"

i say, "you mean "fans"... like you?"

he says, "yeah, weve been waiting for a qb...he better not be a pansy..."

i let my eyes close and stay shut for a moment... and sigh...

I say..."let me tell you about what kind of pansy we just traded for..." and i start to list off his stats last year...kind of prickishly at this point...

he says "yeah...but they never won with him..." matching my pricky tone...like arguing with a child

at this point im at a loss for words...and im just looking up...staring at the guy...

im thinking to myself...this guy HAS to be TRYING to piss me off...

I patiently explain, "true, but that was because of the defense...Cutlers actually one of the few good things that Denver had...hes going to be great for us...most people are really excited about this...most bear fans..."

He interupts, "yeah, because they dont realize that hes a pussy...it will be interesting to see the fallout...another qb disaster... im just glad for baseball..."

i look down and smile "yeah...youre more of a baseball fan arent you? (rhetorically)........ let me guess......Sox?"

he says "hell yea man...i cant wait"

i say..." yeaaah...exciting...see im not much of a baseball fan...i dont think i could name the damn catcher if my life depended on it....who is it again??"

a smile comes to my face as i validate that i am speaking with a complete moron......i see that he doesnt know who the catcher is...

he says, "oh man...im blanking....i couldnt even tell you..."

i say playfully, "fuck!...make up a name...i wouldnt know the difference. ahh well...guess i should read some of those articles you were talking about...hahah"

he seems insulted now... "haha....weellll...i dont need articles, im goin to opening (opening day)"

the attempted bragging has me annoyed now, "yea...a couple guys from my work are taking the whole day off."

he says "fuck yea man...time to get drunk."

i say " who are they playin...you know?"

he answers, "nope...just goin to get wasted..."

i sigh..."ahhh..sox fans..."

and then with relief and a near anurism...go back to my business...

he sits down at the bar and i overhear him continuing to talk nonsense with a friend...including making comments about the non sox fan over there...referring to me....and it got worse and worse...and they believed so intensly in what they were saying...yet it was pure shit...making no sense at all...even when it was about baseball...

....and it worsened......until i had to step in once more and correct them on the topic of Cutlers receiver options....which due to my frustration did not come off pleasant...and it was obvious that I could no longer share the same space with these two gelatanous retards...

so i left...before i was forced to put a beer mug upside down over his nutsack and stomp...nay....BALANCE upon it....until i had the circular cookie cutter shape i was looking for....then proceed to peel it off the floor...and slap him across the face with it....his own hairy sack pattie....stinging his face red...with only the sound a nut sack slap could make...

alas...i left instead...

soooo...after that, i couldnt let it go. i went shopping around for articles that could have been the cause for this guy being so stupid. I was hoping I would find that it was simply poor genetics (and i think it was). but unfortunately, I ALSO found too many of exactly what I feared...terrible opinion based articles presented as factual analysis.... subsequently i became pissy....resulting in my various e-mails...

so i apologize...

my problem is with inbred people...and career sports writers that should be selling hotdogs at sports events...not writing about them...

i will take a hint from kuch and never speak of this again...




DLP

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dont worry...as you have seen over the past several years...my rage filled e-mails will come and go...

just when everyone feels relief that there is finally a welcomed e-silence....a few days of peace....a few weeks perhaps?.....suddenly.....I come back.... and fuck your inboxes with e-mails of hate and anger.... the length of which only my cock can top...

in any event Kuch...your supposed "limited grasp on reality" while writing this e-mail is the type of grasp i attempt to acheive daily...i read this and decided that I am dumb...which is ironic...because I have just spent several e-mails complaining about dumb people. The paragraph is like an intellectual word puzzle....I KNOW it makes sense...but its complexity is still far beyond my understanding.....Like old people having anal sex....

....................

anywho...

the liklihood of my anger spewing forth in e-mail form is unlikely to repeat itself until more football news....and even then, I dont forsee much that i could possibly be upset about this year...i think it will be quiet.....perhaps joyfilled e-mails will become the reg...but i doubt it....i dont do well filling imaginations with thoughts of butterflies and rainbows....doesnt have the impact...


(Kuch - dont think I dont notice your subtle satire...but it truly is ridiculously subtle...reading your e-mails is like being assigned to find the symbolism "everyone poops")

and must you sign off on your emails as DWK? eerily similar to my trendy initialed sign off....

'DLP'

wouldnt you say?

DLP